SORRY... THE HARDEST WORD!

A British newspaper publisher once harshly insulted a politician, who was then a young member of Parliament, in an editorial for his paper. Only a few days had passed when the two men bumped into each other quite by accident in a public restroom. "My dear chap," said the publisher, embarrassed by the encounter. "I've been thinking it over, and I was wrong. Here and now, I wish to apologize." "Very well," grunted the young politician. "But the next time, I wish you'd insult me in the washroom and apologize in your newspaper. (Word 1993)" For many, the awkward act of apologizing to someone for a wrong you've committed against them, is one of the most uncomfortable and difficult things they ever have to do. To borrow a phrase from the late 70's pop singer Elton John, "Oh it seems to me, that sorry seems to be the hardest word!"  

I read a book recently entitled, The Five Languages of Apology. The book follows the distinctive pattern of Chapman’s other well known books with similar titles, (i.e. Five Languages of Love), which convey the idea that; just because you understand something one way, it doesn’t mean that others will understand it in the same way. He uses this approach in dealing with love, children, God, and other relationships in which messages can be lost in translation. On the subject of apology, five distinctive languages are said to communicate the same truth, with varying degrees of effectiveness, to different people. I don't want to go into detail, but essential, he feels that apologies can be expressed with either: regret, responsibility, restitution, repentance, or by merely requesting forgiveness (Chapman and Thomas).

I agree with that statement, but for me, genuine repentance best communicates that someone is truly sorry for committing an offence, because this is the language that the Bible uses to establish the fact that someone is sincere about their confession. Jesus said, "…why do you call Me 'Lord, Lord,' and not do the things which I say?” (NKJV Luke 6:46). He emphasized this point on numerous occasions because He understood human nature and its frailty, realizing that our words are only genuine if our actions back them up. This biblical principle is pervasive in the New Testament, as well as the Old, and finds its full expression in the words of James, who said, “…be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves” (James 1:22). Again, the emphasis is upon actions, not words. I can say that I’m sorry for something I’ve done, all day long, but if my actions don’t change and I keep on doing the thing for which I’ve been apologizing; my words have been made void by my actions, or lack thereof.

True repentance deals with not only our state of mind, but also with our actions, and the word repent means, “to turn around”, to stop going in one direction, and begin going in another. This requires first that the mind makes a conscious decision to do so, and then informs the body of its decision and intent, thereby commanding the body to comply. If someone says to me, “I’m sorry, please forgive me”, but then no accompanying actions follow those words; there is a disconnect somewhere, and their repentance must now come into question as a result. That’s why John the Baptist said to the Pharisees, “Brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the wrath to come? Therefore bear fruits worthy of repentance… And even now the ax is laid to the root of the trees. Therefore every tree which does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. (Mat 3:7-10)"

So we see that bearing fruit in our lives that is worthy of the repentance that we have expressed with our lips, is at the crux of what it means to be genuinely sorry for what we have done. Given the nature of human frailty, this type of repentance must have a strategy if it is to succeed, and Chapman recommends that we make a plan and put it in writing, suggesting that, “Expressing your desire to change and coming up with a plan is an extremely important part of an apology… perhaps the best way to effectively show repentance… (Chapman Thomas 87)." Sadly, even for Christians, the blame game always gets played though, saying; "Well, I'm not going to apologize to them until they say sorry to me first!" Ever heard that before?

Foreseeing this impasse within human relations, God wisely told both sides of the argument to deal with the situation, and not just let it boil over into anger. To the one who feels they have been wronged, He says, "...if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. (Mat 18:15)" And to the one who has committed the wrong, He says, "...if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. (Mat 5:23-24)"

Sounds simple enough doesn't it? Oh but how our pride gets in the way! Ultimately, it is the lack of honesty, love, long-suffering and Spirit led humility, that is the carnal culprit that derails this very simple process and makes, sorry... the hardest word!

By Pastor Glen Mustian

Works Cited:
Today in the Word, October 1, 1993. http://www.sermonillustrations.com/a-z/a/apology.htmJohn, Elton. Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word. Blue Moves, (1976).
Chapman and Thomas. The Five Languages of Apology. Chicago, IL: Northfield Pub. 2006. Print.
NKJV New King James Version. Holy Bible. Thomas Nelson. Nashville, TN: 2000. Print.